Our attempt at romantic getaways didn’t solve our sex problems.

It was our wedding anniversary.

We had spent a couple thousand dollars to go to Hawaii. I was sitting on the beach next to my husband, with tears of sadness flowing down my cheeks. 

I felt the pressure to fix myself and my sex life. I felt all the pressure was on me-like If I could just desire sex more often, then sex wouldn’t be a source of contention for us. 
I felt like I had one week to fall in love with sex before we flew back home and back to our reality. 

I KNEW that one week was not going to be enough time for me to increase my desire for good. I had anxiety because I knew that we would go back to normal life and sex would become a big source of struggle again. It always did. 

I knew that sex would become another thing I needed to do for someone else. I knew that my husband would break my heart over and over again as he initiated the “we aren’t having enough sex” talk without any understanding of what was really causing me to struggle with low desire. 

Often times, I would say yes to unwanted sex so that he wouldn’t feel rejected. I often felt that what he wanted was more important than what I did or didn’t want. 

So here I was, in a perfect setting on a beach in Hawaii, watching whales, and I had tears of frustration running down my cheeks as I considered all of this...

And that is when I realized something. And this realization was the catalyst that changed our relationship for good. 

I realized that this pressure I was feeling wasn’t actually truly coming from me or my husband. I realized that we had been lied to for most of our lives. 


We were lied to.

I realized that these lies we were believing about sex, marriage, intimacy, my body, my husband, desire…these lies had not prepared us for a magnificent sex life together. These lies kept us stuck and didn’t give us the skills we needed so that we could enjoy a wonderfully, deeply connected, honest and sexsessful life together.

These lies were causing so much unnecessary suffering for us as a couple. The lies and pressure were coming from all around us…media, religion, strangers, family members, generations past, society, culture….

These lies were causing over 50% of married women to struggle with low desire for sex in their marriages. And I was a part of this 50%. This number is so high, that I knew it couldn’t just be a physical, hormonal, or a biological problem. There had to be more under the surface that needed attention. 

Sex had become the glue that I believed was going to keep my marriage somewhat happy. And there was so much pressure around sex to be THE THING that held us together and made us happy. Yet, consenting to unwanted sex in order to keep my husband happy wasn’t working. We weren’t happy.

He had even asked me a couple nights before if I wanted a divorce. I didn’t want a divorce! I wanted to be amazingly satisfied and peaceful in every area of my marriage, and our Sex Life seemed to be the area that we were struggling in the most. If we could just figure this area out, everything would be so much better.

Because women are so wise, they are noticing that this strategy of consenting to unwanted sex and thinking more sex is going to fix the sex issues in their marriages is backfiring!!

From this strategy, women have become anxious, uncomfortable, high alert about physical touch in and outside of their bedrooms and……they are experiencing an extreme drop in their libidos and have become avoidant of sex.

Husbands are confused and feel rejected often.

Wives feel broken and disconnected...

There's a lot of heartache for both of them.

None of this is sexy. All of this is far from what the couple is truly desiring for themselves. 

I knew that I was not physically unsafe. I had not been victimized. I had not been abused. And I had not been assaulted by my husband. But I was still experiencing the symptoms as if I had been through trauma: 

  • A developed aversion to sex
  • Avoiding anything that could lead to sex (including non sexual physical touch, dreading bed time, vacations, holidays etc…). 
  • Feelings of relief after we had sex because this gave me a couple days to not stress about it before I started worrying about it again.

All of this made me feel sexually abnormal. 


What I longed for (and knew that many women also longed for) was being at peace with my own sexuality, confidence about how I showed up in my marriage, and being at peace and deeply connected with the man I choose to go to bed with every night.

I knew deep down that my husbands desire for sex wasn’t just “I need to stick my penis inside your vagina so I can relieve some kind of urge I’m having”. Even though sometimes I got this impression— I didn’t truly believe he was that kind of man. 

I could see that sex was a huge piece of how my husband felt chosen, desired, loved, important, seen and heard by me. This isn’t necessarily a good, mature thing that develops in lot of husbands. A higher desire for sex doesn’t always mean a healthier relationship with sex. 

Sometimes a lot of pressure is put on sex to be “the thing” that validates being loved and desired in a man, and this wasn’t helping our sex life be fun, easy and peaceful. 

I realized that we each had some evolving and maturing to do in how we related to our own individual sexualities and also how we were responding and relating to each other in and out of the bedroom in our everyday lives.




Evolving in my sexuality

Consent to having sex in order to “check it off the list” is not enough for the couple to thrive sexually. Both individuals are left unsatisfied and some are even experiencing trauma and PTSD symptoms. This is heartbreaking for both people in the relationship.

This means that we can’t just confront the desire issue, make more sex happen and then expect both people to experience peace and fulfillment in their sex lives together.

We have to treat the PTSD symptoms and we have to approach their sexual relationship from not just a physical element that starts inside the bedroom, but they have to mature their way of being in their relationship. An amazing sex life is a way of being together emotionally, mentally, and relationally in and out of the bedroom. 

On that beach in Hawaii, I devoted myself to learning how to make sex not just a nonissue in my marriage, but also something that we both looked forward to and enjoyed.

And I devoted myself to advocating for what I truly wanted: Honesty, deep connection, and true intimacy with this man I chose to be with forever. My hope was that if I focused on these things, sex should take its natural place and become easy and enjoyable for both of us and the frustrating conversations and arguments about sex that were unproductive would stop. I also hoped for sex to be something that got better the longer we were married. I wanted to experience a good, romantic, deeply loving and caring relationship with my man.

Turning on my sexual desire

So, on my own, I learned

  • how to heal the stress and trauma I had been experiencing around sex,
  • how to become the authority over my own sexuality,
  • how to communicate about sex in productive ways,
  • what I wanted emotionally and sexually that made my desire increase.

Over the years, I made sex a fun and enjoyable part of our marriage. And I taught my husband a lot too :).


After things were so much more peaceful and enjoyable in our marriage, and after going through different trainings, I became a Lifecoach. I noticed that every one of my clients was struggling in the sexual department of their relationships in some way. Every time I talked about sex, many women were listening and wanting more.

When I shared how I had four kids, owned my own business, had been married for several years and that I was more in love with my husband than ever and that our sex life was only getting better, they wanted to know HOW. So I started sharing my approach with my clients and now I’ve helped hundreds of women and couples ditch the sex struggles in their marriages.


My approach, that has worked for hundreds of women, is different from what I’ve seen done before in therapy, with doctors, OB’s and even other coaches, books, and online courses.


I worked privately mentoring women on their sexuality and improving their sex lives for years. But I was limited in how many women I could work with at a time and my waitlist had grown so long that it would take me 10 years to work with everyone and I knew that list would only keep growing!

I wanted to create something that would serve many more women so that EVERY single woman who was ready to ditch the struggles with low desire in marriage could have the opportunity to learn and apply the skills and enjoy an amazingly stress free, worry free, fun and easy sex life.